This post is in response to Katie's last comment expressing a desire for self reflection and I'm not sure yet what its contents will be. I have been doing much self reflection lately and perhaps I am writing this mainly to help me sort out my thoughts, and to take a small step towards becoming who I want to be. I don't let people get close to me easily; I don't know how. I think few people do. I'm afraid of relationships. In my recent pondering, I've come to believe that it comes from a fear to disappoint. I've always wanted to please others, including myself.
I love deeply, but I don't know how to show it. I don't like this kind of self reflection. It seems strangely true and so easily misinterpreted. Maybe poetry is better.
A friend of mine taught me that to let others come closer to you, you must be more open yourself. I write this in that spirit.
Mundane emotions ebb and flow.
No wind, sweet or fierce
To stir the deep underpinnings of the soul.
Staggering grief and motherly love;
Histories, written or waiting,
A suppressing shield: a counterfeit dove.
"Father knows best" and worst.
Visions, conquered or ignored:
Fearing to disappoint, I seek to be coerced.
2 years ago
3 comments:
I like your post... yeah, alot of people live in the self deception of closeness; when they only share what they think they are.
Yeah, I dunno if that makes sence... but thats cool too.
I have a problem letting people in as well. Perhaps by identifying this, it allows us to move past?
What you think you are is still a part of you.
Mary,
Never be afraid to share yourself. You are a truly beautiful person!
You love deeply and it shows. From one who loves you very much and who feels loved by you in return.
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