Childhood

I finished reading East of Eden earlier this week. If your senses can make it through the first couple of hundred pages, the last half is definitely worth the emotional sloshing. One unexpected experience I gained from this text was a journey back to childhood. I didn't much like being a child and, after reading E of E, realized that I've blocked most of my childhood thoughts out of the realm of consciousness. I'd forgotten what it was like to desire love for choosing right, compete for parental care and acceptance, itch with jealousy, play sullen for attention, battle against spite and revenge, want with every inch of my being to be completely good while feeling caught in a web of bad feelings and initial reactions. Until this week I'd forgotten I had ever experienced these emotions. I'd forgotten how frightening childhood can be.
There was also something wonderful about being a child that I didn't appreciate until it was gone: an overwhelming desire to be good and do right. Even with all of its struggles, I would become a child again to have this strong, innocent desire returned to me.