On Friday night I went to Finding Neverland for the third time. I again reflected upon one of the prominant themes in the movie that seems poignantly applicable to my life: when is it healthy to live in a magical, optimistic, and fanciful dream world, and when should one face reality even if it is bleak and painful? Can these two worlds co-exist? What is the harm of "pretending"? Is there harm in supressing the "falsehood" that often accompanies the creativity of child's play?
I, like most children, pretended to be something I wasn't almost on a daily basis, and with my 8 brothers and sisters these tales and adventures could become quite elaborate. My disposition was quite different from most children, however, and I didn't much enjoy the play. I thought it was foolish to pretend. I would rather sit at the table with the grown ups and listen to their conversation. In my adolescence I found myself upset and frustrated by siblings who constantly pretended, spoke ironically, lived on a stage, and played a character.
Now that I'm older, I regret wanting to grow older so quickly. There are things that I gained from choosing this path: I am relatively well organized, productive, ambitious, etc. I feel, however, that I pulled out of childhood long before I ever developed the creativity, light-heartedness, and optimism of children. Only recently have I realized how important these characteristics are to enjoying the journey of life. Do we try to grow up too quickly, or do we encourage our children to grow up to quickly?
2 years ago
3 comments:
In response to edmund: Realism is optimism.
Hi Mary! I love you! I am constantly amazed at the new and insightful things you do and say. So this is WAY to long! I realized it about ¾ of the way through, but if you guys preserver it might keep your interest.
In regard to growing up to quickly: "The Hurried Child” by David Elkind is an excellent book to read! I’m currently in the middle of it, so I will give my limited and unprofessional view of what was said as it applies to your question of, “Do we try to grow up too quickly, or do we encourage our children to grow up to quickly?” Remember this is all just what I have gained from my reading, you never know, I might read another book next week that disagrees and my opinions will change, but I thought this was interesting…
The answer is YES! In this day and age there are SO many demands on parents, and children that we are requiring our young one’s to take on more than they are developmentally ready for. This phenomenon is currently accompanied with rising rates of suicide in younger and younger children, increased behavior problems in classrooms and a general stress on parents and children.
Parents hurry their children because of the world we live it. Mothers are in the work place and so day care is necessary, or we leave our children at home alone for hours, and our lives are constantly scheduled with activities to ‘keep up with Jones’, etc. Parents justify this hurrying by talking about teaching their children independence and responsibility and preparing them for the future that is full of competition. This is misguided. Children need protection and the time to learn and experience life at a pace that is appropriate. A child who is left alone after school (me!) is no more prepared to take on a job in adulthood than a child who’s mother was home when they got home from school (Jamie k. for example).
Teachers hurry their students by trying to get curriculum into lower grades, thinking it will make children more advanced and intelligent if they can learn it earlier. This is not true, and does not match with the developmental knowledge we have gained. Example: algebra. We are trying to teach algebra a lower and lower grades, but a child CAN NOT grasp the idea that a letter (x or y) represents a number and can be used to solve a problem until they grasp abstract thought. If we try to teach algebra earlier than children achieve this level of thinking- one of two things will happen- 1. They will not achieve and it will hurt their sense of confidence and deter their willingness to try new material later in their learning, or 2. they will be able to do the problems simply by patterns and examples, but miss the underlying concepts, in the end, hurting their learning (this was me in calculus!LOL) Another way teachers or should I say administration hurry children (and this applies to what Mary was talking about more than the other stuff) is they cut out recess, art, gym, music, etc to place reading, math, etc. Testing and national standards are forcing teachers to focus on ‘the basics’ can not allowing children to be children. I see the value in reading and in the basics, but I also feel strongly that children should like the learning environment and be allowed to exercise all their intelligences- i.e. special, kinetic, music, etc. If they are not allowed other subjects it will hurt their motivation and like Mary is concerned for, limit creativity and adventure.
Media and technology hurries children by showing them images and giving them understanding that in previous generations was held in reserve for adults. They are able to see on the news horrific events that before only a parent could explain. They no longer have to imagine up a game to play, working to make vivid the experiences their senses crave, they can get it from a movie, video game or computer program. We are not allowing children to develop their own path of play and learning (because play is I believe part of learning); instead we give it to them, prescribe it, and force it on them.
Conclusion finally- we do encourage our children to grow up to fast, not giving them the time to develop in ways our parents did. This idea, though important to be addressed, is not always a hard a fast rule. Mary you are my example. You have grow up in this hurried world, and yet, I think through your music, reading and conversation skills are very creative and have developed that. Not every child is subject to all these things, but they do affect our children and we have to be aware of that.
Thanks for reading all the way through. Sorry this was so long.
Love, Linds
P.S. "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire is also an excellent book, and very easy to apply to daily life.
Childhood - The work and the glory =)
I spent an afternoon digging through the snow when "I didn't have time." My little brother and I worked hard, on our knees, to build a tunnel towards eachother through a mound of snow which was melting in the sun.
I came home happy. Our day was productive despite the sunny weeks to follow.
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